How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
