i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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