I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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