dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
