OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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