Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize