Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
