there was a trapeze. enough said
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
