You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
