it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
