I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
