so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
