What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
