make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
