First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
not ubering you a puppy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
