We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
