At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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