I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
