i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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