didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it wasn't lemon gatorade
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
