i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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