"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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