So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
