Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
