I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
