I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
