I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
