Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
