i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
