My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
