I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
