So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
