remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
