Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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