he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
