Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
