If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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