i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
