She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
