hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
