that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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