The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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