Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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