What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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