Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
