If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
