You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
