You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
