My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
