I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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