I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
