I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
