i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
