Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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