I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize