She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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