What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
