I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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