when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
