Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
