He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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