You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
