I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
