I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
