singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
