Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
