I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
