Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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