hotel room ftw
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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