; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
