my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
