last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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