Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
