I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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