literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
