He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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